Happy Friday to you all!
Its been a rather productive week and since I haven’t done a Friday Confessional in awhile I thought I’d share a story I’ve been avoiding telling because it’s just that ridiculous.
So without further ado, a dramatic retelling of the time I lost all control and had absolutely no willpower:
Every time my family comes into town to visit, we always fill our house with snacks. I come from a rather large family with still quite a few teenage mouths to feed, who also want to eat nothing but junk food. Lucky enough for them they inherited the good genetics and can eat anything they want, life is never fair is it? So on one particular trip after I had been doing well with trying to eat clean, no processed foods, and I hadn’t had anything even remotely cream filled or decadent in a matter of weeks (I stopped counting after day 18). I came home from work to find a house full of kiddos and a pantry full of you guessed it, Twinkies.
Sweet, cream filled goodness in a preservative filled package, and I wanted one, BAD. The cravings were real y’all. I tried to be strong, I grabbed a bottle of water, I ate a good dinner, I tried to distract myself on the computer, but the Twinkie was calling my name. Here I was supposed to be on this lifestyle change, the journey of self discovery and immaculate health yada yada, I couldn’t be eating Twinkies! Or could I? I began to rationalize eating this Twinkie, to the point of devising a plan to sneak the Twinkie into my room and eat it in peace without any disapproving eyes on me, after-all my dad had just patted me on the back and told me how great I was doing. I couldn’t disappoint anyone with my lack of will power! Alas, the song of the Twinkie was just too sweet and I couldn’t resist any longer.
In my workout gear (trying to appear healthy) I went to the kitchen to sneak into the pantry and hide a Twinkie in the pocket of my athletic jacket, you know the kind that’s made for sweating in (not for sneaking junk food in). I ran into a sibling on the way out who needed help with getting something off a shelf, nervously I helped them, hoping there would be no crinkling of plastic from the stolen contraband hiding in my pocket. I finally made it back to the room, kicking my dog out in the process because even her eyes were too much to bear. Alone at last with my prize I sat on my bed like a loser and enjoyed my Twinkie in hurried silence. Taking no time to savor because someone could come knocking on my door at any minute.
Once my binge-demon was done and I took control over my body again, I left my room to rejoin the rest of the family like nothing ever happened, accidentally leaving the wrapper as evidence on the bed where I was sitting. At the end of the night when Michael and I were getting into bed, he heard something crinkling. The wrapper to my shameful Twinkie was right there in plain sight. Michael’s automatic assumption was that one of the kids left it in our room, and I didn’t disagree! How could I be so stupid to leave evidence of my own depravity in plain sight! If I’ve said it once I’ll say it again, I am not sneaky whatsoever. Don’t ever ask me to help you rob a bank because I’ll get caught every time. Eventually I confessed to Michael that the Twinkie wrapper he found did not belong to the kids, but to his crazy wife who just couldn’t help herself.
Sometimes you just got to eat the damn Twinkie.
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