Happy hump day to you all!
Whew! What a day. Today’s post will be a little more on the personal side so settle in to get to know little ol’ Alexis a little bit better. Are you ready, it’s about to get personal.
Today was a breakthrough day for me, and in a round about way it has everything to do with exercise. I’m going to disclose somewhat of a secret to you, I have (had) a huge fear of driving, to the point of not being able to drive a car without a major meltdown until today. From the first time I put my hands on the wheel when I was 16 years old and my immediate thought was “NOPE. Not for me.” I have had severe fear/anxiety about driving. I have no idea where this fear came from, but it has handicapped me for the past 7 years. This is not something I like to share with people, it has brought me years of shame and feeling like a burden. Severe anxiety is something I have dealt with my entire life, but in this area it has been the most debilitating. Often times people with anxiety try to hide it and this is something I just couldn’t hide all of the time. This fear has weighed on me for a long time, but no matter what even the thought of driving would send me into a panic (heart racing, can’t breath, feeling like I’m going to just lose my shit, the works). It’s not that I couldn’t drive, but that the idea of being in control of the vehicle sent my mind into a frenzy. Until today.
So after discussing my fears of driving (and love of T.J. Maxx) with my coworkers, it was decided (for me) that I needed to drive us all to lunch today. Naturally I was completely freaked out, but my coworkers built me up, encouraged me to do it, and there was no backing out. They promised to help me get over my fear and be with me every step of the way, even going as far as to look up the requirements for getting your drivers license and scheduling my drivers license test (May 3rd if you’re curious). They came armed this morning with driving advice, lucky gloves, calming essential oils, and a notebook full of essential driving skills I’d need to pass my test. So today I climbed into my boss’ huge suburban (took a few calming breaths) and drove to the restaurant and back from work, with only a few minor (funny) freak outs, and my coworkers patiently helping work through my anxiety. I was able to laugh off the things that usually send me into panic mode and at one point I even thought “this is fun” and was immediately shocked because I couldn’t believe that I was feeling that way. I enjoyed lunch with my coworkers without feeling like I was going to have a nervous breakdown like I usually do after a drive attempt. I drove to my workout session today after work, instead of getting dropped off like I usually do, and I plan on driving to work every morning from now on. This is a HUGE deal to me. Huge. This tells me a lot about where I’m at mentally/emotionally. I owe it to exercise.
Starting on my health journey has affected so many parts of my life, from my mental health and well being, my sleep, my strength, and my confidence. 6 months ago if someone had told me I was going to drive them to lunch I would have broken down in tears and completely lost it, I was that scared. It’s an embarrassing and irrational fear, but its something I’ve had to deal with. Now that I’m nearly 6 months into my journey I have seen incredible changes in how I’m able to cope with things emotionally (those endorphins man). Exercise is the best way I have found to combat severe anxiety, I see it like a therapy now. On days when I’m having a rough time I’m so happy to workout because I know that I always feel better when I’m leaving the gym than when I got there. You can take that to the bank! A weight-loss journey is about more than just the physical. So if you’re feeling stressed, go to the gym! Walk around the block, just move. I promise it works.
I owe a huge thank you to my coworkers for (nicely) pushing me out of my comfort zone and challenging me to conquer something I’ve been running away from for so long. Thank you for building me up and being there to support me. I can never thank you enough.
The world is now mine for the taking!
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